December 2021. I cooked Christmas dinner for fifteen people while battling a blinding migraine. Nauseous, shaking, hiding in the pantry to cry — but I’d agreed months ago, and disappointing everyone felt worse than the physical pain.
That night I realised I’d rather vomit from a migraine than disappoint fifteen people.
And I wish I could say that was the turning point. But I kept doing it — saying yes, showing up, falling apart after. Because knowing you have a problem and knowing what to say about it are two completely different things.
Therapy helped me understand why I was like this. But understanding doesn’t give you the words when your mind goes blank. So I started writing down what actually worked — the exact sentences, the tone, what not to say, and what to do when they push back.
This is what I wish I’d had back then: the actual words to say when your brain freezes.
